Have you ever thought: “I just feel better when I know every cent is accounted for,” or “If things are chaotic at home or at work, at least I can control my spending.”
At first glance, that sounds healthy, being on top of your finances is a good thing, right?
Yes… and no.
There’s a subtle line between being intentional with your money and using money to soothe deeper feelings of fear, stress, or loss of control.
In times of chaos — a tough season at work, a strained relationship, a move, an illness — it’s natural to crave order somewhere. For some, that means tightening their budget or tracking every purchase. For others, it means doing the opposite: shopping impulsively or spending more than usual to “feel better.” Retail therapy, as some would call it.
Both reactions can provide temporary comfort. They create the illusion that, if we just manage money hard enough, we can regain control over the rest of life. But that illusion rarely lasts.
We’ve seen people obsess over small expenses while ignoring the bigger emotional story beneath. We’ve also seen people spiral into what’s sometimes called “doom spending”, buying things they don’t need because it feels like a way to fight the anxiety.
If you recognise yourself here, you’re not alone. Many of us have used money as a coping mechanism at some point. But left unchecked, it can hurt more than it helps, creating debt, stress, and even shame.
So what can you do instead?
Start by noticing. When you feel the urge to control your money — or spend recklessly — pause and ask: What’s really going on? What am I feeling right now? Is it fear, sadness, frustration, loneliness?
Then, give yourself permission to address the real need. That might mean talking to someone you trust, taking a walk, journaling, or even just sitting with the feeling without trying to fix it through your wallet.
Finally, consider letting us in on the conversation. As planners, we’re not just here to help you invest or save; we’re here to help you understand the role money plays in your life. Together, we can create a plan that respects your feelings without letting them quietly run the show.
Your money should serve your life; not the other way around. If you’d like to talk about how to bring balance back to both, let’s have that chat.